Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
