do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
