dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
