i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
