wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
