the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
