shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
