I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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