We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
