nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
