nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
