i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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