I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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