I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
