Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
