sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
