I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
