You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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