um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
