this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
