Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
