i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
