I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
