So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
