I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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