saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
