i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
