All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
