i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
