i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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