maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
