Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
