Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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