I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
