So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
