if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My vagina just clenched in fear
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
