so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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