quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
