bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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