I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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