You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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