I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
