Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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