i just wanna soil my oats bro
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
