i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
