so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
