Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
