OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
