His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
