you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
