You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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