Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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