I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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